Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Obama Daughters Disciplined for Feces Incident


WASHINGTON - On a move which surprised even the liberal left, the hundreds of White House visitors who were pelted with feces last week by the Obama daughters were re-invited to return the White House for a formal apology by Michelle Obama. It occurred in the recently scrubbed lounge room facing the Oval Office where the walls and floors had been draped with a very pungent brown slurry.

Facing dozens of reporters and hundreds of visitors mostly women the First Lady expressed remorse for her daughters [Sasha and Malia] reprehensible conduct saying, "I cannot express how deeply saddened I am over your victimization by my children. Please accept my deepest regrets and apologies. I was just as surprised over their behavior as anyone else. It is just not like them."

When asked by a reporter on how they were disciplined the First Lady insisted, "Oh trust me they received the discipline of their very short lives but unfortunately how they were punished is classified on grounds of national security."

Shortly afterwards all visitors were herded to the banquet room where they were all treated to a gourmet meal consisting of all-you-can-eat chitterlings and fried chiggen, Olde English 800, Thunderbird wine, and watermelon for dessert.

Jules Manson reporting for AP News.

Last Words

I do not work for and I have never worked for AP News. This story is politically incorrect satire and no racism is intended. . However some people may still have a problem with it. To them I say: lighten up. No one was harmed. I am only poking fun at two public figures. The way I see it, anyone in the public is fair game for poking fun especially if they are the children of a politician with questionable leadership.

Top image courtesy of Google First Family 2012.

© 2013 Jules Manson — All Rights Reserved

Saturday, August 17, 2013

First Family Daughters Fling Feces at White House Visitors


WASHINGTON - Hundreds of White House visitors who were anticipating meeting the First Lady on a sunny Friday afternoon were instead horrified when they were greeted with a fury of wet feces thrown with impunity in all directions by the Obama daughters. It occurred in the lounge room facing the Oval Office leaving a brown-yellow slurry throughout walls even reaching deep into the hallways. The pungent odor left about a dozen visitors gasping for air as they were air lifted to a local hospital.

A shaken witness who did not wish to be identified recounted, "All we could do was to run for cover." Another trembling visitor remarked, "They [Obama Daughters] would crouch down for another load and call out 'INCOMING!' before peppering us again." She added, "Many visitors literally played dead hoping not to get pelted again," Another anonymous visitor with a nervous chatter recalled, "I saw my life flash before my eyes. I thought I would never see my children again."

An anonymous White House employee exclaimed, "It was like a scene right out of Apocalypse Now and Gorillas In The Midst." She added, "I didn't think it could get worse when they painted graffiti throughout the Blue Room last week; but I was wrong."

When approached with this news Michelle Obama exclaimed, "Girls just wanna have fun!" The president could not be reached for comment.

Whether Sasha and Malia will be disciplined remains to be seen.

Jules Manson reporting for AP News.

Disclaimer and a Few Last Words

I do not work for and I have never worked for AP News. This story is politically incorrect satire and no racism is intended although the article does tread on a fine grey line. However some people may still have a problem with it. To them I say: lighten up. Yes I am lampooning the First Family but no one was harmed. The way I see it, anyone in the public is fair game for poking fun at especially if they belong to a politician with questionable leadership.

Top image courtesy of Google First Family 2012.

© 2013 Jules Manson — All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

The Steady Erosion of Our Constitution

"The best way to take control over a people and control them utterly is to take a little of their freedom at a time, to erode rights by a thousand tiny and almost imperceptible reductions. In this way, the people will not see those rights and freedoms being removed until past the point at which these changes cannot be reversed." — Adolf Hitler

No institution can be legitimate if it is not held to the same standards as those of the individual. There is almost no accountability in government and some sectors of society like Wall Street. What does it suggest about the United States when an America like Edward Snowden must seek asylum from Russia to shelter him from our own government? The current state of affairs is looking more and more like we are becoming the red scare of the old Soviet Union which we once feared -- a communist nation where no one could afford to speak up against the state much less reveal illicit activity by it.

Although we still have our First Amendment rights, prevailing trends strongly indicate that all of our constitutional rights will eventually be eroded away. It will likely be done piece meal (in small barely noticeable steps) but steadily until our constitution becomes as President George Bush once said of it, "Just a goddamned piece of paper."

It begins by disarming us by requiring background checks for acquiring a firearm or limiting the type of arms we may legally own. This is a request for permission for the one thing that should be our Second Amendment right. Although some states permit open carry that is now under attack as some states are beginning to restrict or outright ban this policy.

The recent scandal of the NSA collecting data on our communications was likely happening a few decades ago as computers became powerful enough to handle such a volume of data. Couple this with the Patriot Act which permits search without warrants and we have essentially lost the Fourth Amendment of our right to privacy.

The Fifth Amendment is our right to own private property but this is also largely ignored as the IRS makes a claim on a substantial portion of our earnings. And then there is real estate and other property such as our vehicles. Requiring us to pay annual taxes on such items clearly demonstrates that we do not own any property. We are only leasing it from the state.

The Sixth Amendment right to a speedy trials is also looking shabby these days because of the Patriot Act and the martial law and indefinite detention provisions of the NDAA of 2012-13. Although Casey Anthony was the likely murderer of her child she was found innocent in a court of law but it took about three years to finally resolve her case and she spent all that time in jail. Another example is Bradley Manning. He received horrific treatment in prison while waiting three years for his day in court. However his case may not apply to this amendment but it should have been honored regardless. There are many more examples like it.

Then we have the Eight Amendment which is supposed to shelter us from cruel and unusual punishment (this includes stiff sentences far beyond the gravity of the offense especially for victimless crimes), excessive bails, and excessive fines. One glaring example is the war on drugs and the treatment of whistleblowers like Bradley Manning. The Patriot Act also ignores this.

And then comes the Ninth Amendment. This one is my favorite. Forget about this one as this one does not even exist: "The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people." It basically means, anything we forgot to add we meant that too.

And what about the Tenth Amendment? This one is also very weak. This is what gives the states rights to govern themselves. However it is still potent enough to abuse its residents. If the federal government isn't oppressing you then there are many states in the republic which are very happily making certain of it with many nanny state laws and excessive taxes which violate the Fifth Amendment. This is like the State of California which collectively imposes the highest taxes in the union while passing bills each year to add new taxes. This also happens to be my home state which bends over backwards to public-sector labor unions like the federal government does to corporatism and Israel. This is what I call state-level fascism.

I never thought I would see my country descend so fast into something so pernicious as fascist collectivism. The greatest regret I have is that just about everything that our country was supposed to stand for turned out to be a lie. With every new year the United States drifts steadily toward a totalitarian state where the rule of law is now based on authority. We have all been conned and the worst thing of all is that many courageous heroes perished defending this illegitimate government. If they are not giving their lives for a cause they they are potentially losing them with charges of treason for revealing unlawful conduct by the state. This government is not worth defending because it only feeds the oligarchy.

But our benevolent authoritarian leaders are listening to our concerns. They watched the people rise up and assemble peacefully in the streets of just about every major city in the U.S. as they petitioned the government for positive political change. Their response was to disrupt our peaceful protests with a very heavy police presence. This is just the police state rearing its ugly head. As expected nothing positive came out of our attempt to appeal to Washington.

Instead our elected leaders and government officials made certain to protect their positions and the current state of affairs by filling military brass on the basis if they are willing to fire on American civilians. And just in case the people do rise up with force leading to a shortage of enlistees willing to cooperate with the government, they have been training foreign troops on our own soil who will not hesitate to shoot to kill on American civilians. Care to take a guess at one of the most prominent nations which will provide such services? -- Russia. Yes you heard it right. Those Ruskie commie bass turds might be shooting at our brothers, our sisters, and our children if we do not capitulate to this fascist American government. If that is not high crimes and capital treason I do not know what is.

Do not think for a moment that those hundreds of FEMA camps are for our own good. Remember Third Reich concentration camps for undesirables? The good people of Germany were also told they were for their benefit. Never forget that the United States once had concentration camps for Japanese Americans who were born on U.S. soil.

The U.S.S.A. (United Socialist States of America) is no longer our country. We are all serfs to it and one day we may just take a ride on a cattle car which may end up being our last. Having liberty is more important than being alive for without it; life has no value. Let us take action By any means necessary to restore the republic while we still have some remaining protected natural rights.

Top image courtesy of

© 2013 Jules Manson — All Rights Reserved