Friday, February 8, 2013
Dear Islam: We Love You to Pieces
My Dearest Islam:
Smile — we are bringing the American dream to your country. This should be celebrated not scorned. While doing this your welfare and security shall be our top priority. Think of us as the good doctor who is treating your wounds. The pain we bring you is only temporary.
We acknowledge that your real goals are to be the religion of peace but we cannot permit this because this restrains us from acquiring essential domestic support that enables us to colonize your sacred lands and manage your resources for you.
Someone has to do it therefore we are really only exercising our God-given rights to police the world. If we damage any of your public spaces and properties we shall rebuild them to modern standards. Your country will look brand new when we have completed our mission.
The good news is that it will all be free. Yes you heard us right; we are not going to bill you for anything — we promise. Hold on, there’s more! In fact, we intend on paying many of you off to express our generosity. If you do not believe us just look at our track record in Iraq. Where do you think the many billions disappeared to? That is why God created the American people. They are relatively well off, spoiled, and easily deceived by propaganda. But do not forget to slide some of it back to certain individuals before you lose track of it all. We are certain you know how this works.
Our commission is to oust your tyrants from power and install our own brand of freedom and democracy that is friendly to American corporatism and Israeli Zionism. Please trust us when we affirm that you will embrace this — everyone does except our own people. But they matter not because we know what is in their best interests. They are too dumbed-down to manage their own affairs. As it stands now, they still believe they need government. Yeah, yeah we know; we are laughing too but it is not their fault. We made them that way.
We are well aware of your anemic military and poorly funded ragtag militias with second or third rate technology. To demonstrate our sportsmanship, our CIA shall provide your resistance with weapons, funding, training, and fighters so that they may give our own heroes a good fight — just like we did early on in Iraq when we imported Taliban and Al-Qaeda freedom fighters. Who said we didn’t play fair?
Do not be concerned with our war on terror. It is not for you. When you do challenge us please persist in practicing very cunning guerrilla tactics which we call terrorism so that we may prolong calling you terrorists. This justifies us further eroding the civil rights of our own people while it reduces them to obedient Manchurian citizens who dispense endless funding and healthy bodies needed for extending these war games.
A sullen and well-armed American public is very dangerous to the state. Hence, it is essential to pacify them with controlled or illegal toxic substances. Therefore, despite our war on drugs, we shall continue to guard your crops and accommodate you with covert protection and assistance while exporting your most bountiful commodity — opium. We also demand this product to maintain imprisoning our own citizens otherwise some will go hungry in the public-sector while private citizens run restless in the streets seeking for somewhere to fit in.
We apologize that Christianity has been and will endure as the religion of pieces. But we respectfully request that you remain patient with us and sustain your very courageous struggle otherwise many American defense and construction companies will lose value and right now our economy is very fragile. Your armed response is the humanitarian thing to do because the alternative is for such corporations to lay off more of our workforce in the private sector. They must not be handicapped of their ability to provide for themselves. We are only doing this for the children — ours. But your children who do not become collateral damage will benefit too.
The state really is a noble thing because it feeds families and restricts them to peaceful dissent. Some of this is valued because such a disgruntled public can be easily divided and weakened. Just like the facade that democracy has become, this builds the illusion that their government must answer to them. If they only knew who was really pulling the reins. But please lets only keep this between us — two trusting friends.
When all this is over we shall lift martial law and install a much kinder police state government that primarily arrests people in masses for petty victimless offenses. This will spawn a major prison industry that will feed many sectors of your free economy especially in government jobs such as prisons, police, justice system, administration, and of course public-sector labor unions that we shall very happily procure for you. You will also generate much more wealth in the form of taxation, fines, and fees to grow your government to fund all this. Just like a well cultivated olive tree, the more you care for it the bigger it will grow.
Winning your hearts and minds really is our goal. The West really does love you this much. We also thank you for your participation; for without you this conflict would not be possible. May Allah bless you and guide you through the ever so elusive path to peace, prosperity, freedom, and happiness.
Your dearest friend,
The United States Federal Government
Closing Thoughts and Recommended Viewing
I say yes "Islam is a religion of peace" but they are forced into a tight corner by Christianity which is a "religion of pieces." Their motivation for terrorist attacks is inspired by the U.S. imposing itself to manage their resources as it occupies their land, intimidates them into obedience, and its world class campaign of murder and theft.
We must acknowledge that courageous rebels from middle eastern nations have at best a third rate militia that is poorly funded and whose members have no real protective gear or defensive arms and are also poorly trained; they must improvise "homemade" tactics. Therefore "terrorism" is really just a defensive strategy to guard against the brute force of the United States military.
The following items are full-length independent documentary films. They are of particular interest because the United States has built many secret military bases in Afghanistan. Is it doing this to remain there indefinitely? Is it setting the stage for an invasion of Iran and to remind the Russians who is now the tough guy on the block? Are they also preparing a strategic grounds for a possible bush war with the Russians? The final video is of a very popular vlogger, drinkingwithbob, who is known for his very cerebral and humorous takes on current events. Here Bob questions why the media is almost ignoring the war in Afghanistan.
Top image courtesy of Salon.com.
© 2013 Jules Manson — All Rights Reserved